honey bunches of taint.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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