After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
