The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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