idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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