God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
