I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
