2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
