My liver just broke up with me...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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