i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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