I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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