I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
