i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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