Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
