Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
