my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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