Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
