More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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