I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
