Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
