i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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