The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize