i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
