Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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