I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
