Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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