Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
