Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
