so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
