I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
