By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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