Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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