Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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