Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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