hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
