where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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