just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
