I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
