The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
