Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Im part way to drunk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
