i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
