i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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