We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
