as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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