Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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