I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
