Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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