Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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