so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
