I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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