Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
