Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
