***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
