3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
