hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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