his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
