Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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