CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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