did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
