apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
