Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
